TG19_The Neuroscience of Soul-Connection and Spirituality with your Teen (& Why it's So Important)
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Welcome to the teenage guide podcast. I'm so excited for today's episode, the neuroscience of soul connection and spirituality with your team and why it's so important. Enjoy the episode. Hi, I'm Ashley Chandler. And in this podcast, I guide you through the proven mindset tools, strategies. I've learned throughout my 18 plus years as an educator and a coach for parents, tweens and teens, the latest soul to systems research.
You must know, along with my personal experience as the mother of a tween and a teen to help you and your adolescent develop a bond and skills that last a lifetime. This is the teenage guide podcast.
Welcome back to the teenage guide podcast. This is a very special episode coming out on Christmas Eve and Hanukkah Eve, and I did a little research and I learned that Kwanzaa is also in a few days along with other spiritual traditions and celebrations. So I share this message in celebration of having a spiritual connection to each other, to practice seeing each other as equals.
To practice seeing the being within the human, I'm on a mission to elevate our soul connections. And it's so funny a few years ago, I would never have said this. I would have been terrified to talk about what I'm going to talk about today. I actually shared the spiritual purpose of adolescence on my old podcast, the elevated adolescence podcast, which was.
Specifically for middle schoolers and middle school parents, and I felt so nervous to publish that 1 just a few years ago, because for a few different reasons, 1st of all, as I get older, and I've been through a lot in the last few years, sometimes we go through challenging times and. They mold us and sharpen us and shape us into who we truly are so I do feel like today's episode is a reflection of that for me and it's almost like a shedding of.
Who you were how you identified in the past or what people are going to think, or if you're going to offend people, et cetera, et cetera. And so, you know, I'm at this place now where I mean, this in the best way possible, but I don't care what people think. As much I'm sure I'll be triggered here and there, but in general, I feel like.
Who I am today is in alignment with my soul, and in the past, I think I felt so nervous to produce that last podcast, because I grew up in the Bible belt and I have. Extreme great resistance and sensitivity. To ever being labeled or negative labels put on other people. And so I think oftentimes growing up in the Bible belt, and I grew up there, but that doesn't mean I was raised in a conservative Christian household.
In fact, I was more raised in a liberal Unitarian household in the middle of the Bible vote. And so I think I just had my antenna up growing up. I just could see people for who they really were and, you know, it would be the, the person who claimed to be Christian, who never expressed true Christian values.
And in other words, I like to say jerks by day and night only to be saved on the weekends. Right? So, not living an integrity judging or excluding others based on status or. Sexual orientation or political affiliation and so that always really rubbed me the wrong way and it made me disconnect from my.
Spirituality and so that episode that I produced a few years ago, it was really neutral. It was kind of vanilla to be honest. It was like, I don't even know what I said, except I kind of gave historical perspective and I tried to touch on how important it is. For adolescence to have almost like that right of passage, just like a bar mitzvah.
It's. It's a rite of passage to come into your spiritual self. And at the same time in the past, I never really shared what I believe or my own practices and how they relate to parenting today, my coaching practice. I am not affiliated with any particular belief per se, but I have an entire section dedicated to soul support.
Because the truth is, and you're going to hear about this later on in the episode, the research shows, and my own wisdom and experience also indicates, and also studying different wisdom traditions over the years that as we look ahead, as we experience the mental health crisis happening for adults, and for our adolescent kids, We can go on and on about all the different reasons and I believe that our humanity is hungry for spiritual connection and no matter how much our planet evolves technologically.
We all have the same basic needs for connection. And so inside this episode, I'm really going to talk about. My definition of soul connection, my definition of spirituality, spiritual practices with your team. And also, I'm going to be weaving in some fun neuroscience, because now that, you know, me, 1st time.
You are learning and those that do know me already know that I'm kind of a neuroscience nerd. I love it. I love I'm not kidding you on a Friday night. You could find me easily by myself watching a documentary about the cosmos. And neuroscience and something sci fi, so I get really into it on my own time and I'm so excited to bring you this episode today.
Now, I don't feel the need to share a disclaimer. Like, these are just my beliefs. People. You don't have to believe what I believe. Of course. Of course, that is true. I would never suggest you believe what I believe necessarily. I would love it. If my corner of the Internet and anyone who comes in contact with me could practice.
Just using this information I share and this wisdom, I share and let it meet you and inspire you, but practice your own discernment and non judgment. I think that's a big challenge we face today is labeling people saying, oh, you're this, you're that that means this, right? Oh, you're a Christian. That means you must be X, Y, Z.
Oh, you don't go to church. Oh, that means this. Oh, you're Jewish. Well, then you must X, Y, Z. No, we have to stop lumping everyone together and. We have to really start practicing and really, if you already are practicing it, continue to practice recognizing and acknowledging the being within the human aside from labels.
And that's that's true spirituality. So, I love it because what you're going to learn is that. Neuroscience and spirituality, it's like 2 sides of the same coin, according to the research. So that's really, really cool. So, I think to start, it's necessary for me to define spirituality and soul from my perspective, and I encourage you to do the same.
So, our soul, I believe, is the intangible, infinite, wisest part of us that is inherently worthy and expansive and knowing. It's like source with a capital S. The universe, God, nature with a capital and I believe we always have access to the ultimate knowing. Through many different kinds of methods and channels, like it's energy felt and known your intuition that deep, deep knowing, even though the external world may be giving you a different signal.
It's another kind of deep knowing your highest good without any words spoken. It is ultimate unconditional love. It wants the best for you. It is you. It is the highest version of you, right? Not your personality, not what you look like, not your car, not the grades you have, not the job title you have. You strip all of that away and your soul and your being is the ultimate knowing it's an infinite and inherently worthy and valuable.
I believe our soul knows what's best for us all the time. We just need to connect to it. We need to listen to it. We need to pay attention to it and we can receive this knowing through so many wisdom traditions and practices and the purest forms of different religions, right? Not religion in the name of judgment, war, fear, violence, control dominance.
Right but religion in the form of ritual and inclusiveness and unconditional love and non judgment. We also receive it through presence. We receive knowing our soul and being in touch with spirituality through presence. Meditation stillness, looking in our kids eyes, walking in nature in the eyes of our animals, vulnerable conversations and quality time with loved ones.
At concerts, looking for helpers in times of crisis, storytelling, the feeling of awe, synchronicity, someone calling you right when you were just thinking of them, laughing with your best friend, and creativity. These were just a few of the examples when I was writing these notes for this episode. These were a few of the examples I came up with.
That are practices that get me in touch with my soul. These can become spiritual practices and no one really gets to define it for you and your team. It's ultimately each of you and your connection to that part of yourselves that knows. It's deeply connected to your highest good. It is your highest good.
It's the knowing that you are always loved and held and seen no matter what is happening externally in your world and connecting with our children's soul. Our teen soul is one of the keys to thriving as a parent. I know you're knee deep in the busyness of the holiday season. Holding and doing so much.
So this is just a very quick interruption to share something. It's going to support you coming up around the corner. How would it feel if you knew once the new year hit, you had extra support from me for free already lined up. You could have a little more peace this holiday season because you had a plan in place to start the new year strong with the ultimate reset.
If you're ready to kick off the new year with your teen, with more confidence, them actually listening to you, opening up to you, not disagreeing with everything you say, doing what they need to do without you feeling like a nag and so on, then you do not want to miss my new year class, confident and connected, happening the first weekend of the new year, January 4th and 5th at four different times to accommodate busy lives and busy schedules before school starts.
Parenting a teen in 2025 and enjoying it requires a very specific against the status quo toolkit, and this is where I come in inside this class. I'll be sharing 3 common mistakes. You're going to want to avoid in 2025 to ensure. You're strengthening your relationship, a. k. a. the number one way you have influence in their life.
Building confidence individually and together while building the essential skills they need to thrive at home, at school, and in life. I'll also be sharing my four part framework that's helped hundreds of parents and teens solve big challenges super simply together. It's simple, proven, and designed to work inside your busy life.
It is already work for families around the world, and it's about to work for you. So again, my free live new year, confident and connected class is happening the first weekend of the new year, 2025, January 4th and 5th at four different times. You can register now at the teenage guide. com forward slash class.
That's the teenage guide. Dot com slash class. Remember, I'm the mom of a teen and a soon to-be tween two. I know what it's like. You want things done for you. You want some relief, you want some help. This is exactly how I design everything that I do. It is guaranteed to give you insight into exactly how to make this new year 2025, the most confident and connected it can be.
I can't wait to see you there. Now back to the episode. So I'm going to take a hard left and share some startling, but true research. Middle school, between years and early teen years are the years moms have the most depression. 1 3rd of teens have a parent with anxiety and or depression, and a study links, harsh parenting.
Victimization rumination as the development. Of adolescent depression, in other words, when a parent. Is off, it is also linked to the development of their teenager becoming depressed. Adolescent depression is associated with parent child relationships. That are high in parental rejection, psychological control and conflict and low in warmth and support.
In other words, low in soul connection, and here's another study for in 10, that's nearly 50 percent of us parents. With children younger than 18 say, they are extremely or very worried that their children might struggle with anxiety or depression at some point. In fact, mental health concerns top the list of parental worries.
Significantly mothers are more likely than fathers to worry about most of these things and there are also differences by income and race. And ethnicity, I will put all of this research in the show notes of this episode. So, if you are curious about these statistics, these very alarming statistics, then you can see for yourself, but I see it.
We read it in the headlines and I see it every single day parents. Are anxious and depressed and teens are anxious and depressed. So, I'm going to now take a hard right and give you some hope and we're going to start that way with a little help from my future. I am manifesting this professional connection.
She is 1 of my professional heroes through the work of Dr Lisa Miller, who is at Columbia's teachers college. In the mind body spirituality Institute, she founded it. She is incredible and up until her work in. 2011, no 1 had examined. If there was a biological basis in our brains for spirituality. In other words, if we were hardwired to be spiritual beings.
And so research up to that point had proven that depression goes hand in hand with. Thinness. In the brains cerebral cortex so again, this is where we get into the neuroscience stuff where neuroscience and spirituality are like, 2 sides of the same coin. So, there was a lot of research that proved that in examining the brains of a large sample.
Of people who had depression that there was thinness in their brain cerebral cortex, and this is where we process emotional stimuli. So, And this part of the brain is also responsible for reasoning, planning and mood. This is a perceptual field. So, when someone is depressed, there's a neurological basis.
For their distortion in their sense of relationship and how they relate to others and in the larger world. Right, we can look at the brain and we can say, I see that the brain and the thinness of this area of the brain, the cerebral cortex is contributing to this person's perception to their response in depression and in their relationships and others in the larger world.
So, Dr. Lisa Muller set out to see if spirituality without attachment to dogma or religion and more. In the sense of the definition that i gave right that she could prove through science and through neuroscience that spirituality could be a buffer to depression and anxiety. And foster greater well, being confidence and connection in our youth and her research rocked the scientific world brain scans.
And her research proved that as human beings, we are neurologically hardwired for spirituality and soul connection. We crave it our brains. In other words, our entire nervous system, you probably hear a lot about our nervous system and emotional regulation. You've heard me talk about it on this podcast to our brains and nervous system thrive with spiritual connection.
Our brains, that cerebral cortex, it's thickened through soul connection. It gets thicker and through soul connection and spiritual practices and with emphasis on soul connection and spiritual practices, there's reduced risk in substance use, risky behavior and teenage pregnancy to name a few. So I'm actually I've got her book right here and I want to read.
A section out of her book called the awakened brain, I will put again, a link to it in the show notes. It's called the awakened brain, the new science of spirituality in our quest for an inspired life. And I'm going to read what she writes that really struck me. I mean, there's this book is I highly recommend it and I use so much research in my work.
You can also get nuggets of wisdom inside my work, inside my programs and inside this podcast. So, she says inside the book on page 10, each 1 of us has the ability to fully develop our innate capacity to live through an awareness of love interconnection and appreciation of life's unfolding beyond belief, beyond a cognitive story.
We tell ourselves. The awakened brain is the inner lens through which we access the truest and most expansive reality that all of life is sacred that we never walk alone. Our brains are wired to perceive and receive. That which uplifts illuminates and heals that gives me chills and puts tears in my eyes.
I think it's so beautiful. So, in my work, I talk about 3 key areas changing big time for your team during the adolescent years. Brain and body development separation from you healthy separation and identity development. And the coolest thing is, is that research shows that there are 3 key areas where spirituality can really make a difference or soul connection, emotional well, being and resilience.
Moral development and decision making and contribution to personal identity. So everything I focus on is enhanced with simple soul connection practices. In other words, this is deeply connected to supporting the cornerstones of this stage in your teenagers development and spirituality and soul connection offers a sense of belonging and connection to something greater than oneself.
You are not an island alone, whether it is a higher power, whether it is the wonder of nature, there have been incredible studies to show that a person's cortisol is reduced. And they feel greater connection to humanity and more peace just by looking at images of nature, much less being in it. And this connection helps adolescents build a strong sense of self and to find meaning in their lives to find purpose.
They need this. They need to feel like who they are matters and where they are right now is just a stepping stone. It doesn't define them. It's being able to see the awe and the wonder in them in that particular moment with pimples on their faces. Maybe braces on their teeth, them complaining about something and you look in their eyes and you can feel their soul.
You can feel and see the big picture and this practice quite literally helps the brain protect itself from crisis that we are facing today of depression and anxiety. So, how do you foster soul connection with your team? Well, here are some of my favorite simplest ways quality time when no one's around and there are minimal distractions, just total attunement to them, listening to them, validating their experience.
Laughing with them, there's jokes, whatever it is, crying with them, heart hugs, literal heart hugs, where when you go into hug them, they may like, arms droop and they're like, oh, mom, not another hug or whatever. Right? Okay. That doesn't mean I'm not going to give you 1. You put heart. To heart chest to chest and take a deep breath rituals and traditions, family dinners, sharing peaks and pits of our day is what we do.
There's also a lot of holiday traditions and reflection practices. Just talking about what we think and what we feel reading at night together with ambient music. It may sound like it's just. Something we do, and there is deeper intention. Because we are still together and we are present together and that creates more soul connection dance parties in our kitchen being silly.
You're in the car. Open the sunroof. If it's cold, turn on the heater, scream a song at the top of your lungs. You're connected watching them when they don't think I'm looking my kids don't think I'm looking and just looking at them and all, even if my teenager was just snarky to me, or she's been moody just.
Recognizing this is a stage in her life and I pour love and awe into my kids without them even knowing it. Foster soul connection again, being in nature. Truthfully, my kids often complain about, like, going on a hike, doing something I want to do, but once we're there, it's. Deeply soulful being in nature, you cannot replace it.
And if it's not on my terms, maybe it's on their terms. Maybe it's walking the dog. Maybe it's playing soccer with my son or playing pass with my son basketball, whatever getting outside attuning to them when they're upset and being able. To hold it being vulnerable to them and sharing something on my heart, looking in their eyes, and I can honest to God, look in my kids eyes, and I can see their baby face, like time travel and.
It gives me instant perspective, holding that vision and knowing my job as a container of hope. Is so important, and I will not take personally their moodiness right now, and I will know that that's my job being of service in their presence or with them. This doesn't mean I have to put together a care package every week.
It's being kind. And recognizing the humanity and the soul and someone else in front of them. And with them, whether that be at the grocery store, whether that be a homeless person on the street. Whether that be a teacher at their school or their grandparent. It doesn't matter. It's treating everyone as an equal and noticing the being within the human in their presence.
So I wonder what you'd add to my list. I'd love to hear. I really would. I would love it. If you would reach out to me, email me, you can DM me through social media. You can let me know what this brings up in you and the truth is, I don't need the science to know and feel that soul connection for me is the greatest love language.
I don't need it. I find it fascinating. I find it extremely validating, but I don't need it. And at the same time, it is so amazing to know the connection between neuroscience and spirituality. And the truth is, this is my truth that time in this incarnation, in this body with this family, I have it's precious.
And yet I believe I actually, when my daughter was a baby, she was a year and a half old. I don't know. I think she was getting nervous because I was leaving and I had to leave her with a babysitter. And I am not joking when I say this poem just came through me, I didn't rehearse it. I didn't plan it. It just came through me.
And it is this, even when we're not together, you're always in my heart. Our souls are always connected. We can never be apart. And that is the truth. No matter how old your kid gets, no matter where they live, no matter what they choose. Your soul is always connected to them. It's about you having the practices to shine a light on that connection to build it to foster it as strong as you can.
And I know it isn't easy sometimes and parenting. I mean, to be honest, sometimes living it's hard, right? It has an overflow of challenges that we encounter and it's all part of it. Let this episode be a nudge. Let it serve as inspiration to connect. To the wisest, deepest, most present and trusting part of you and your soul and them.
And let this serve as encouragement to reflect that to your teenager. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzaa. Whatever you celebrate from my soul to yours. Let us recognize that we are in this life together. I know you have limited time and energy. So thank you for being here and kudos to you for investing in this time for yourself and for your team.
If you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to continue the ripple effect and like, subscribe, review, and or share. With a fellow parent who could also benefit, remember the number one way that you have influence in your teenager's life is in your relationship with yourself and with them. So never doubt how much power you have because you are the teenage guide too.
