[00:00:00] The Teenage Guide podcast and content posted by Ashley Chandler, the Teenage Guide, is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a qualified medical professional.
[00:00:25] Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions. At this point, you've heard me talk about why I do the work that I do as the teenage guide and how a huge piece of it has been about.
[00:00:45] Becoming the mentor and guide my parents and I needed when I was a teen. I got lost in adolescence and healing my past has been the greatest gift I could ever give myself and my kids. We carry our past with us and project it onto our teens unless we're willing to examine it, process it, grieve. Accept, and maybe even do some forgiving.
[00:01:10] So this work is often layered and takes multiple modalities, not just listening to this podcast, but potentially getting yourself into therapy, getting yourself into coaching, getting different levels of support. And inside today's episode, I'm going to share some simple tips to begin to uncover if your adolescent past is interfering.
[00:01:31] With you and your teens present and future, let's go
[00:01:39] believe that parenting a teen is destined to be terrible or that you don't have any influence in their life is outdated and it's unhealthy. It's time for a new paradigm in these teen years, one where your midlife is equally considered to their adolescent years and you officially speak each other's language.
[00:02:00] You understand them in a way you always wish someone understood you. And you know how to relate to them in ways that boost their confidence and motivation, where no matter how much they showed you typical teen behavior, you still felt close and you could trust each other where you knew exactly how to guide them to become the best version of themselves.
[00:02:23] And you'd never felt better as a parent. Welcome to your new reality. Hi, I'm Ashley Chandler. And in this podcast, I guide you through the proven. Self regulation, mindset, behavior change, relationship and skill building strategies. And sold to systems tools. I've learned throughout my 18 plus years as an educator and coach for parents, tweens, and teens in this podcast, I share the latest research you must know, along with my personal experience as the mother of a teen to help you and your adolescent develop a bond and skills that last a lifetime.
[00:03:00] This is the teenage guide podcast.
[00:03:07] All right. Welcome to the teenage guide podcast. This is a quick episode focused on a few simple. Questions that will help you start to uncover and heal your own adolescent past. Now, when I bring this up, it typically opens up Pandora's box of big emotions and or experiences that you haven't thought about for a while.
[00:03:28] And are maybe a little uncomfortable to think about and I know I can relate to that and I mentioned it already, but know that if you feel uncomfortable or emotional when I ask you these questions, please seek out support and help with a qualified medical provider reach out. You are not alone if this brings up something pretty deep and unhealed, but I think it is still so important for me.
[00:03:56] To use this platform in this podcast to ask these questions, because they often are right underneath the surface of our world and parenting. Anyway, we have to face them. So here we go. Number 1, where are you afraid? Number two, where are you overcompensating? Where are you trying to be perfect? Where are you overgiving?
[00:04:24] Where are you taking responsibility for someone else when it's not your responsibility to do that? Number three, where are you holding yourself back? Where are you telling yourself, now's not the time? When this happens, then I'll do it. Oh, I'm just not, I'm just not good enough yet. And number four, what did the teenage you need to hear?
[00:04:48] See the teen years are identity formation stage. So any of the answers we come up with here are clues of how we see ourselves and how we see ourselves today. Is directly tied to the experiences we were having in our teen years and at this point, we were forming beliefs about ourselves and where we fit in where we were valuable where we were needed.
[00:05:14] And at this age, I started believing I needed to shape shift. To make people happy, I abandoned perfectionism for settling because as is often the case with perfectionism. The opposite is why even try because of experiences I had in my own adolescence that I made mean negative things about me. I started settling.
[00:05:40] In my ambitions, my relationships and my goals and these. Experiences and the meaning I gave them impacted how I showed up as a mother until I was willing to face them now, as our kids are in adolescence, they are mirrors for us in our own teen experience. And I know you can't help, but think about your own teen years as you're parenting them.
[00:06:03] So, if you don't uncover the ways. You felt unsafe or dysregulated or stressed or any negative narratives you started forming about yourself and what you're capable of. You will project these onto your teenager. You just will and your narrative has the power to become their narrative about themselves.
[00:06:26] So ask yourself and be willing to receive the answer and get some space and ask for support. Give yourself the gifts of support and open mind and a listening ear. Number one, where are you afraid? Number two, where are you overcompensating? Where are you people pleasing? Where are you overdoing it? Number three, where are you holding yourself back?
[00:06:48] And number four, what did the teenage you need to hear? As always, I want you to remember just how powerful you are as the parent. And when you start to heal this relationship with yourself, when you start to bring to light the things that have been buried and you don't have to spend an eternity on them, but you examine them, you process, you move forward from an elevated place of more awareness, more compassion for yourself.
[00:07:21] This is why I do this work, because if through this message today, you feel even 1 percent better than I've succeeded in sharing this message. That's so incredibly important for people to hear, which is you will never regret. Taking care of yourself and never underestimate the power that you have as the parent.
[00:07:46] I'll see you next week. I know you have limited time and energy. So thank you for being here and kudos to you for investing in this time for yourself and for your team. If you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to continue the ripple effect and like subscribe review and or share. With a fellow parent who could also benefit.
[00:08:08] Remember the number one way that you have influence in your teenager's life is in your relationship with yourself and with them. So never doubt how much power you have because you are the Teenage Guide To.
