Believe that parenting a teen is destined to be terrible or that you don't have any influence in their life is outdated and it's unhealthy. It's time for a new paradigm in these teen years. One Where your midlife is equally considered to their adolescent years and you officially speak each other's language, you understand them in a way you always wish someone understood you and you know how to relate to them in ways that boost their confidence and motivation, where no matter how much they showed you typical teen behavior, you still felt Close and you could trust each other where you knew exactly how to guide them to become the best version of themselves.
And you'd never felt better as a parent. Welcome to your new reality. Hi, I'm Ashley Chandler. And in this podcast, I guide you. Through the proven self regulation mindset, behavior, change relationship, and skill building strategies and sold to systems tools I've learned throughout my 18 plus years as an educator and coach for parents, tweens, and teens.
In this podcast, I share the latest research you must know. Along with my personal experience as the mother of a teen to help you and your adolescent develop a bond and skills that last a lifetime. This is the teenage guide podcast.
So why do teens act disrespectfully? Here's the deal. You've heard me say this before, and you're going to hear me say it again, probably a million times. Adolescence is this time of identity formation, right? They're figuring out who they are, where they belong, what they believe. They have to separate from you and part of that is they get a little bit twisted with how to do that.
They don't have the skills oftentimes in order to detangle from you without doing in a way that can feel abrasive. So that may be part of the reason they may be acting disrespectfully because they don't have. The ability to note their own hormonal changes, their own moods, have self awareness around themselves.
At that time, they may be going through some social pressures, or they might feel misunderstood. There's also other factors like peer pressure, academic stress. Different family dynamics. They may not be communicating with you. These can all contribute to their disrespectful behavior. Okay. There's a host of reasons.
So consider this episode, a generalist episode to dart, to get curious if you're a teens being disrespectful to you. About the different reasons why that could be happening, lead with curiosity, be a detective. The root causes of teen disrespect vary, but they can also be put in some categories. So the first one is struggles with emotional regulation skills.
There's two categories that you can often filter any challenge through to get insight into how to solve it. Those are relationships. And skill building relationships with themselves relationship with you and skill building. I would argue everything is a skill. So emotional regulation, self regulation, the ability to be aware of our emotions and not lash out, to be aware of them and bring them into balance is a skill that they are going to be developing at least until they're in their mid twenties.
Why? Because the teenage brain is still developing and the emotional brain is in charge a lot during the teenage years. It makes it neurobiologically harder for them to manage emotions effectively. Okay, so they don't have the skill of emotional regulation. They may lash out impulsively. Due to frustration or stress or irritation or something completely irrational, right?
The way that they build emotional regulation skills, first and foremost, happens through co regulation. In other words, they learn how to regulate their own emotions through observing and through experience with doing it with someone else, particularly a parent or a caregiver who they feel emotionally safe with.
So most likely you, right? So again, if they're struggling with emotional regulation, this is an opportunity for you. Never underestimate the opportunity that you have as the parent. To model the skills that you want them to have
real quick interruption. If this episode is resonating with you, then at the end, you are going to want to check out and know about my new free class, confident and connected in less than an hour. I walk you through the top three mistakes, even the most well intentioned. Unconditionally loving parents make when it comes to connecting with their teenagers and building confidence.
Plus, my four part framework that is guaranteed to get your teen listening to you, doing what they need to do, all while building trust and joy between you. Parents have described this class as life changing in so many words, and I want you to know about it. Click the link here in my show notes at the end of this episode to register for a day and a time that works for you.
I can't wait to see you in there.
Root cause number two that I see a lot with teen disrespect. Their need for autonomy and control is queen or king 100 percent of the time. They will assert their independence, which can sometimes come off as disrespect or defiance. They want to feel like the hero of their own story. If they are disrespectful, seemingly to you, it could be an indication that they just need more control over the situation.
They need to feel like they've got some agency, that they can make the choice, that they can do the thing. So your challenge is in how to guide them to do that. Because if you're trying to be a boss. That is going to backfire 99 percent of the time. So how can you position it to where they have more autonomy?
How can you position it to where they feel more independent that they're earning that? Another root cause of disrespect is that they do not feel like you respect yourself. This may be a surprise one for some of you, but I find a lot of teenagers are disrespectful to parents. If parents do not have boundaries for themselves, if they don't treat themselves with respect, if they are trying to people please everyone in their life.
Or just make their teenager so happy. You may be one of the first people that your teenager is lashing out at. You may be one of the first people that your teenager is disrespectful to. I'm not saying you don't want to be attuned to your kid. I'm saying become aware of the relationship that you have with yourself.
Treat yourself with the utmost respect, demand that the people in your life talk to you in a way that is kind, that is respectful, where you feel seen and you feel heard. You don't have to be agreed with all the time, but if you're going to hold someone close to you in your life, they need to be respectful.
So pay attention to potentially areas where you're not being respectful to yourself. You're not treating yourself kindly. See if there's any correlation there. Now there's a few more root causes. These are the main ones. And just keeping in mind that stress plays a huge role in dysregulation for our teenagers and stress can show up in very sneaky ways.
in ways that are invisible, in ways that you might be aware of, and in ways that you would be completely surprised by. So, if you're interested in having access to the toolkit that gets you the answers, And how to decrease stress and how to increase connection and confidence and how to increase respect between you and your team to where you have a relationship that you are truly proud of.
I invite you to join me inside my thrive monthly membership and community. I put all the details. You're in the show notes, so I welcome you to check it out and be kind to yourself because you deserve it. I know you have limited time and energy, so thank you for being here and kudos to you for investing in this time for yourself and for your team.
If you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to continue the ripple effect and like subscribe review and or share. With a fellow parent who could also benefit, remember the number one way that you have influence in your teenager's life is in your relationship with yourself and with them. So never doubt how much power you have because you are the Teenage Guide too.
